Dissociated States - Play Excerpt

                                Dissociated States

                                         by

                                Scott Patrick Wagner


                                      Excerpt








            ACT ONE
            SCENE 1



                                   SPECIAL up on JOSH--handsome,
                                   charismatic, early 40s--at a pulpit,
                                   speaking to an audience.


                                   JOSH
            Now, if there's anything we've been talking about for the
            four years I've been your spiritual advisor, it's that we are
            not defined by our bodies.  So what exactly is a goodbye?  My
            body will be leaving, and I won't be seeing your bodies
            anymore.  But if I've made any difference in your lives, that
            had nothing to do with the space suit, and everything to do
            with us connecting on the soul level.  And on that level,
            dear friends, we are not saying goodbye.  My heart is loaded
            full with the spirits of all of you...but it doesn't make my
            heart heavier.  Violating all laws of conventional wisdom, it
            makes my heart lighter to carry you all around with me.  I
            hope you can joyously support Kevin and me in fulfilling this
            deepest dream--which is the only reason I could ever leave
            here.  As long as there are loving and gentle souls like you
            here, I know there's hope for this country.  But we have to
            be someplace where it's not just the congregation that's
            inclusive, but also the laws.  And so, I trade the physical
            presence of all of you for the possibility of a little soul
            running around wreaking havoc and swinging from
            chandeliers...one that I have the right to adopt and raise in
            love and light.  God bless you all.  And goodbye.


                                   Wiping a tear from his eye, he exits
                                   the pulpit.  He is joined by KEVIN-
                                   30s, handsome, sharp-edged--with
                                   suitcases, and they walk to a border,
                                   where they hand a CUSTOMS AGENT their
                                   passports.

                                   CUSTOMS AGENT
            Welcome, citizens, to the Blue States of America.  We are
            proud to have you in this country, and support you in your
            desire for liberty and freedom.  Have you made any
            arrangements for housing?

                                   KEVIN
            Uh, yes.  We're part of the Parallel Swap program.

                                   JOSH
            Yes...with a couple who want to emigrate to Nevada, now that
            it's part of the Red States--

                                   KEVIN
            The Fire and Brimstone States of America...

                                   JOSH
            Well, be that as it may--

                                   CUSTOMS AGENT
            Funny what they decided to do with Las Vegas, huh?

                                   KEVIN
            I know!  Once they covered up the naked titties, God said it
            was okay to keep on drinking, gambling, and whoring.

                                   CUSTOMS AGENT
            But they made prostitution illegal again, right?

                                   KEVIN
            Yeah, so now they pay more for it.  I think they call that
            foreplay, bless their souls.

                                   JOSH
                          (tersely to Kevin)
            Yes.  Why don't we?

                                   KEVIN
                          (to Customs Agent)
            Meet my partner--soon-to-be husband now that we can get
            married--Saint Joshua...who even prays for those who hate us.

                                   CUSTOMS AGENT
            Well, let me personally welcome you both to a country where
            nobody hates you or discriminates.  Where the divorce lawyers
            charge the gay couples just as much as the straight ones.

                                   JOSH
            Well...maybe they'll let us be married for a while first.

                                   CUSTOMS AGENT
            I apologize, sir.  Just my bent sense of humor.

                                   KEVIN
            I get ya, sister.  No offense taken.
                          (to Josh)
            Relax, honey.  Everyone's bent in the Blue States of America!

                                   The Customs Agents stamps their
                                   passports and hands them back.

                                   CUSTOMS AGENT
            You're all set.  Have a wonderful life!

            CROSS FADE TO

                                   MALCOLM, 30s, standing at the far end
                                   of the stage, on a cell phone.  He is
                                   good-looking, a bit light in the
                                   loafers, and somewhat agitated.

                                   MALCOLM
            ...Yes, I understand that Reverend Josh and his partner Kevin
            have gone to California.  My question is, when will they be
            back?...What do you mean, they won't--?...Yes, I'm sorry.  I
            just didn't realize it was a permanent move. Okay, thank you.

                                   Malcolm hangs up and his hands suddenly
                                   go up to his temples, apparently having
                                   a searing headache.  A few seconds
                                   later, he drops his hands, and his body
                                   language is entirely different, much
                                   more stiff and masculine.  He is now
                                   HANK.

                                   Hank walks off stage.

            



            SCENE 2

                                   LIGHTS UP on an upper middle class
                                   home.  There are tea cups on the coffee
                                   table. 
                                   JOSH and KEVIN sit on one couch, and
                                   WILEY and MARGARET, 50s--he is rigid,
                                   she is demure--sit on the other.  There
                                   is an uncomfortable silence from all.

                                   JOSH
            It's a lovely home.

                                   MARGARET
            Thank you...

                                   WILEY
            It's been good to us.  We didn't realize that the couple we
            were exchanging with--

                                   JOSH
            Don't worry.  We'll take good care of it.

                                   KEVIN
            We're homosexuals.  We're noted for our neatness.

                                   JOSH
            Kevin, please try not to be contentious.

                                   MARGARET
            It's just a bit of a shock, is all.  And what with my husband
            being a man of the cloth, and all.

                                   KEVIN
            Mine too, dear.

                                   JOSH
            Perhaps that's part of the reason the Parallel Swap program
            thought we'd be a good match...a shared spirituality.

                                   WILEY
            I don't have a "spirituality," mister.  I have a religion.

                                   KEVIN
            And I have a sling that took me hours to unscrew from the
            bedroom you'll be moving into.  I hope these ceilings have
            beams.

                                   JOSH
            Jesus, Kevin--!

                                   WILEY
            That's the lord's name!

                                   KEVIN
            No, it's mine!  I'm half Latin.  Y'know, "Jesus-Kevin"...with
            a hyphen!

                                   JOSH
            Kevin, please stop--

                                   WILEY
                          (to Margaret)
            If I had known these were the kind of people they were having
            us trade with--

                                   KEVIN
            Oh don't worry, Reverend!  The house you're getting has just
            as much market value as this one...and it's decorated!

                                   WILEY
            The house is less of a concern to me than what's been going
            on inside it!

                                   KEVIN
            He's talking about the sodomy now, isn't he?  You're talking
            about the sodomy now, huh?  Fear not, honey.  A couple sprays
            of "Fag-Be-Gone" and the place'll be pure as new!

                                   MARGARET
            Oh my goodness...

                                   JOSH
            I think this isn't going very well.

                                   KEVIN
            Ya think?!

                                   Josh hands Wiley a set of keys.

                                   JOSH
            Here are your keys.  The bottom lock sometimes sticks a bit,
            but a little oil--

                                   KEVIN
                          (suggestive)
            --is good for so many things!

                                   Wiley pockets the keys and picks up
                                   some suitcases.

                                   WILEY
            We should be on our way.

                                   MARGARET
            Yes, it's a long drive.

                                   JOSH
            God speed to you.

                                   WILEY
                          (under his breath)
            The lord's name...

                                   JOSH
            No.  I do not say it in vain.

                                   Josh stares at Wiley in earnest.  Wiley
                                   doesn't know what to make of it.  He
                                   and Margaret exit quickly.

                                   JOSH (CONT'D)
                          (to Kevin)
            Jesus, Kevin...

                                   Kevin stares back at him, then shrugs
                                   his shoulders and exits with a
                                   suitcase.

                                   LIGHTS DOWN to a SPECIAL on Josh.

                                   JOSH
            He's not always like that.  But uprooting your life isn't an
            easy thing.  I think he'll have an easier time getting
            established here than I will, though.  Nurses are a desired
            commodity in every city.  Nondenominational spiritual
            lecturer-counselors, on the other hand, are more of a niche
            market.  I don't just get transferred to another church, like
            I'm sure Mr. Red-State-Lord's-Name-in-Vain did.  I have to
            set up my own one-man-show...well...God has to set it up, if
            you want to get technical.  Though I suspect Reverend Name-in
            Vain would debate whether we're talking about the same God. 
            Mine's the one you're not supposed to be afraid of getting
            smote by.  Have a nice day.

                                   CROSS FADE to another SPECIAL, where
                                   MALCOLM stands, once again on a cell
                                   phone.  (He is back to the slightly
                                   mannered gestures he used when we first
                                   saw him.)

                                   MALCOLM
            Yes, this is Malcolm Dupree.  I'll be your new
            pharmacological rep...Yes, they've expanded my zone further
            west to include your hospital.  Say, by any chance, has a
            friend of mine transferred onto your nursing staff?...His
            name is Kevin Blair...Yes, I appreciate your looking.  I'll
            hold.

                                   LIGHTS DOWN on Malcolm.

            



            SCENE 3

                                   In a parallel sequence, WILEY and
                                   MARGARET stand in line waiting for a
                                   RED STATES CUSTOMS AGENT.

                                   Wiley reads from a newspaper. 
                                   (Margaret's demeanor reveals a wry
                                   personal strength.)

                                   WILEY
            Damn!  Why they insisted on us splitting the military with
            them!  I don't know what those liberal queers and hippies
            need with a military...they were always trying to dismantle
            it when we were one country.  And now each of us only gets
            half a military!

                                   MARGARET
            Well, maybe it's for the best...

                                   WILEY
            It's for the best that the one remaining superpower is now
            two laughable half-pints?

                                   MARGARET
            I'm just not sure it was ever a good idea to have only one
            superpower in the world.

                                   WILEY
            It was us, Margaret!  We were the superpower...the righteous
            inheritors of God's power.

                                   MARGARET
            Well, Wiley, I guess if God considers us his righteous
            inheritors, he'll bequeath some more to us, now that we're
            all in one place.

                                   The RED STATE CUSTOMS AGENT calls out a
                                   number.

                                   RED STATE CUSTOMS AGENT
            Number forty-three.

                                   WILEY
            That's us, Margaret.

                                   They approach the Customs Agent,
                                   handing their passports.

                                   RED STATE CUSTOMS AGENT
            Welcome to the Red States of America, in the name of Jesus
            Christ.

                                   WILEY
            Thank you!  His name be praised.

                                   RED STATE CUSTOMS AGENT
            Are you emigrating to our country, Reverend and Mrs. Goodson?

                                   WILEY
            Absolutely.

                                   RED STATE CUSTOMS AGENT
            Praise God.  Have you made arrangements for housing?

                                   MARGARET
            Yes, sir.  We're participating in the Parallel Swap program.

                                   WILEY
            Unfortunately, our new house belonged to homosexuals.

                                   MARGARET
            Dear, you can let it go.

                                   RED STATE CUSTOMS AGENT
            Luckily, Reverend, a coat of paint can change all that...and
            now there's a few less homosexuals in our country.

                                   WILEY
            Amen to that.

                                   RED STATE CUSTOMS AGENT
            Love the home, hate the sinners.

                                   Wiley and the Customs Agent have a bit
                                   of a laugh together.  The Customs Agent
                                   stamps their passports and hands them
                                   back.

                                   RED STATE CUSTOMS AGENT
                                   (CONT'D)
            You good folks are all set.  And welcome home.  God is
            jubilant that you are here.

            


SCENE 4 A nurse's station of a hospital. KEVIN is on the phone. KEVIN Right...Yes, I did get my signed contract back. I think we're all set...Yeah, I'm the only one on the floor tonight, but it seems like it'll be slow...Right, huh, they put the new kid out there alone?...No, I'll be fine. This isn't my first shift, or my first hospital...Yeah, thanks...'Kay, bye. Kevin hangs up and begins typing something into the computer. MALCOLM enters. MALCOLM Kevin...? KEVIN Oh my god...Malcolm. What are...? MALCOLM Is the question, What are you doing here? Or, How did I find you? KEVIN I... MALCOLM This hospital is part of my new region. Funny coincidence that you also happen to be working here, huh? The really funny thing, to me, though, is why you took a permanent job here...when you told me you were just coming to California for a visit. I bet you've got a whole new Blue States passport! KEVIN Malcolm, I'm sorry if I misled you-- MALCOLM I feel like a fucking stalker, tracking you down like this, you know? I'm not a stalker, Kevin. But I had to find out why I hadn't gotten the memo that we were over. That is what all this means, right? We're over? KEVIN Malcolm, we can't do this here. This is a hospital. MALCOLM I'm aware this is a hospital, Kevin. I make my living selling freaking drugs to hospitals. I met your sorry but beautiful ass in a hospital. I've even had that ass in a hospital. You didn't forget that along with the change-of address forms, did you Kevin? KEVIN I haven't forgotten anything about you, Malcolm. The excitement, the intensity...the night you threatened to tell Josh about us. MALCOLM I was frustrated. KEVIN You were Glenn Close about to boil a bunny! It scared the fuck out of me. MALCOLM (caressing Kevin gently) And I only want the fuck going into you... KEVIN (stopping Malcolm's hand) I never led you on. This was always going to be a casual thing. MALCOLM No reason it can't keep on being that... KEVIN If you're gonna go all psycho on me again... MALCOLM I'll save the intensity for the empty bed in the private room down the hall. The rest of the time I'll be meek as a little...bunny. Kevin looks at him with a mix of apprehension and heat. SCENE 5 WILEY and MARGARET are looking around their new home, along with SALLY- somewhere between pretty and plain, about 30. SALLY I think this house should do you fine, Father Goodson. WILEY As soon as we get some of the queerness out of here. What is that in the fireplace? MARGARET I think it's a candelabra, dear. WILEY Well, logs belong in a fireplace. Unless you're Liberace. Why isn't my son here, Sally? SALLY He had to go out of town to deal with a book shipment, Father Goodson. He wasn't sure how long he'd be gone. WILEY It's a wife's job to give her husband a reason to come back home, Sally. SALLY Yes, Father Goodson. Mother Goodson, can I make you a cup of tea? MARGARET That would be lovely, dear. Sally exits. MARGARET (CONT'D) She's a dutiful wife, Wiley. You can't blame her if Hank's work takes him out of town so often. WILEY If he were in town a little more, maybe we'd have some grandchildren by now. MARGARET God's will, dear. WILEY As I recall, God only did the impregnating once. Since then, it's been up to husbands. MARGARET Yes, dear. Will that be part of your first sermon this Sunday? LIGHTS DOWN on house, SPECIAL UP on Wiley at a pulpit. WILEY God's will is clear. It's all in the Book. And the more we are willing to take our chosen roles in His plan, the more he smiles down upon us and gives us his blessings. If you choose to ignore his instructions, and lead a life of debauchery and fornication and homosexuality...Well, we had New Orleans as a testament to what God's response will be, didn't we? "God-fearing" is not an idle expression. Be very clear: If you do not follow His Word, you will incur His wrath. Now let us pray. LIGHTS SHIFT to after the service, with Wiley and Margaret greeting parishioners. Sally approaches them with HANK (the same actor as Malcolm). SALLY Wonderful sermon, Father Goodson. HANK Yes, Dad. And your very first one at the new church. Congratulations. WILEY Thank you, children. It's good that you made it back from your business trip in time, Hank. MARGARET Yes, honey. It wouldn't have been the same without you. HANK I'm glad it worked out, Mom. You make us all proud to be God fearing Christians, Dad. WILEY Christ be with you. We'll see you later for Sunday supper. Now go spend some quality time with your wife. HANK (a bit nonplussed) Yes, sir... SALLY Good morning, Reverend. Sally and Hank exit to another spot on the stage. LIGHTS OUT on Wiley and Margaret. HANK What did he mean by that, Sally? SALLY By...what, Hank? HANK "Quality time with my wife." What have you been telling him? SALLY Noth--nothing. He just started in again the other night about wanting grandchildren. I didn't say anything. HANK There isn't anything to say...is there? SALLY No, Hank...of course not. Hank crosses off. Lights down to a SPECIAL on Sally. SALLY I was taught to turn to God in my hour of need. But I started having so many hours of need, I realized that it might be best never to turn away from God. That's when I accepted Jesus. I guess what I find most comforting is that Jesus likes me more than I do. I'm not particularly smart...or pretty...or fascinating. And I worry that I'm not enough for my husband, or that I'm a disappointment to Mother Goodson and the Reverend. But Jesus--it seems to me--loves me as I am. And I love me better when I'm loving Him. I don't think I'm going to accomplish great and brilliant things in this life. I've set the bar much lower than that. I'd be happy if Jesus just took away most of the hours of need. CROSS FADE to JOSH and KEVIN, putting together an Ikea bookcase, which is strewn in pieces before them. JOSH Do you see lug nut "B" anywhere? KEVIN Man, we're so butch we're almost lesbians. JOSH Lesbians would've cut their own wood. KEVIN Only because they don't pop wood of their own. Here. Kevin hands him a metal piece. JOSH That's a joist, not a lug nut. Yes, you're very butch. KEVIN Well, this isn't my field. I can tell a rectal thermometer from an oral one. JOSH You weren't making much of a distinction between rectal and oral last night, young man. KEVIN (moving in romantically) That wasn't a thermometer. They kiss, and Josh lets go of the piece of wood he's holding, which drops on his thumb and makes him pull away. JOSH Ow! Son of a--! KEVIN What happened? JOSH Nothing...it's nothing. KEVIN Can I--? Josh holds his thumb with his other hand, closes his eyes, and tries to pray. JOSH (softly) This pain isn't real. This body isn't real. Relieve me of this burden. Kevin, frustrated, stands by and watches. MATTHEW SHEPARD--early 20s, blond and delicate-featured--enters silently and stands behind Kevin (in Josh's line of vision). Josh eventually opens his eyes. KEVIN That Fred creep is coming to California. JOSH Who's that?! Kevin, unsure, turns to look behind himself and sees nothing. KEVIN Y'know, the Fred creep...the jerk who calls himself a Reverend, and boycotts all the AIDS funerals. JOSH Including Matthew Shepard's... KEVIN Yeah. I can't believe the old fucker is still alive. Matthew gets up and silently exits. KEVIN (CONT'D) You'd think there'd be some people denied entry to this country. Josh...? JOSH (getting alert) I'm sorry...what? KEVIN He'll be spreading his hate two hours from here. I think we should go boycott the boycotters. JOSH No. KEVIN Jeez. JOSH He's not my enemy. Hating him is my enemy. KEVIN (under his breath) Halle-fucking-lujah. CROSS FADE to Wiley, Margaret, Sally and Hank sitting around the television set in the living room, after dinner. TV VOICE Does someone from a Blue State owe you money? Have you heard how impossible it is to collect on that debt, now that they're a separate country? Well, let the law offices of Hector Wingate pursue that deadbeat for you-- Wiley clicks the remote at the TV. WILEY God bless the mute button. MARGARET Amen. HANK That was a fine meal, Mom. SALLY Yes, Mother Goodson. But I wish you had let me help you clean up afterward. MARGARET (subtly snarky) That's very sweet, dear. But I know how everything's supposed to be. Wiley turns the sound back on. NEWS ANCHOR (V.O.) Our top story tonight, a new scandal as a minister stands accused of the sexual molestation of his young parishioners. MARGARET Oh, my. WILEY (rapt attention, to the screen) Red or Blue...Red or Blue...? NEWS ANCHOR (V.O.) Red States pastor Maurice Beauregard of Atlanta is under suspicion tonight-- Wiley mutes the sound again. Margaret's demeanor moves to avoidance. WILEY (under his breath) Damn! MARGARET I have to say, I think the newscasters dress better here than in the Blue States. HANK Dad, if it makes you feel any better, I just read that a Blue States man was arrested for molesting his two children. MARGARET ...With more polish and decorum. SALLY Why would that make your father feel better? HANK Well...it evens up the score. Maybe even gives the Red States a point up, since molesting your own kid is worse than molesting parishioners... SALLY It's worse? HANK Well...sure. MARGARET Television seems better in general here. WILEY I'm sure those Blue State heathens are committing far more atrocities than the Red States...they just own their media, and nobody hears about it. HANK I'm sure you're right. MARGARET I appreciate Red State cable not including that Jon Stewart program. I find him insolent. SALLY Why is one molestation better than another? WILEY Everyone's getting sodomized in the new Sodom and Gommorah. SALLY I would think that being molested by your connection to the Holy Father might be as bad as-- MARGARET (surprisingly big) For the love of God, why are we having this conversation?! SCENE 6 JOSH sits at his desk in the home office, idly playing with a desk toy. JOSH My first counseling client in this New Land called me this morning. He asked if perhaps I had a window open in my schedule for today. I said yes...I didn't launch into how I'm all windows right now. But I have to remember to have faith about it. The Universe abhors a vacuum, and all that. Life junctures like this--when I find myself with a lot of unstructured time--I have the blessed opportunity to see just how much dirt I've let accumulate under the carpet I call my psyche. Y'see, I'm great helping a room full of open hearted souls process a tragedy, and they're cleaned out on the other side of it. But me? Well...not necessarily. Two "big jolts" are still impacted...well, they bring me to my knees when I let myself think about them. One is 9/11. The other is Matthew Shepard. I know that some people in the Old Country probably think it's sacrilege to speak of those two in the same thought: How could the death of one gay boy mean as much as the deaths of thousands of Amurricans at the hands of the entire Arab world. But, y'know, Matthew Shepard is actually harder for me to deal with. I can abstract the concept of "thousands of deaths"...but the image of that one, terrified, angelic-looking blond boy...God, I even thought I hallucinated him the other day... Josh looks up and sees MATTHEW sitting across from him in a chair. JOSH (CONT'D) Oh, my G--...You're not real, right? Matthew gives him a bit of a shrug. Beat. Josh bursts into tears. JOSH (CONT'D) (trying to stop crying) I'm sorry. (to audience) Y'see? I just haven't dealt with it...with... (to Matthew) you. Josh stares at Matthew again. JOSH (CONT'D) I'm so sorry...for all of us. Josh begins to cry again. Matthew gets up from the chair and crosses to Josh, gently and comfortingly caressing his cheek, with a sympathetic look on his face. Then Matthew begins to move away, crossing toward the door. O.S. we hear a male voice. ADAM (O.S.) Hello...? JOSH (to himself, pulling himself together) Oh, shit... Matthew gives Josh one last kind look, then exits and crosses paths with ADAM (the same actor playing Malcolm and Hank) as he enters. ADAM Am I...early? JOSH No, no. Sorry. You're Mr. Brady? ADAM Adam. Please. JOSH Very well, Adam. Have a seat and make yourself comfortable. They sit. JOSH (CONT'D) I was a bit surprised to get your phone call for an appointment. I haven't been in town very long to get the word out. ADAM Actually, your reputation precedes you. I heard about your work in Nevada, and when I learned you'd be moving here-- JOSH How did you find out, Adam? I don't even think the ad is in the paper yet. ADAM Reverend,-- JOSH Please...Josh. ADAM Josh, I've heard some of your tapes and read your book. We could certainly devote our attention to details like how I found out you were here, but don't you like to say there's a whole level of life more important than the minutia? JOSH Point taken, Adam. What have you come to see me about today? ADAM Do you know what D.I.D. is? JOSH Dissociative disorder? You mean like multiple personalities? ADAM So you are familiar with it? JOSH Well, it was part of my course of counseling studies, but I couldn't say I'm an authority. ADAM People don't come to see you because you're a medical authority, do they Reverend? JOSH No, Adam. They come to see me for a spiritual perspective on their issues. Is that why you've come? ADAM Perhaps. JOSH Well...is this an issue for you? Do you dissociate? ADAM (wry) I don't, but he does. Adam laughs softly at his own joke, but Josh doesn't. ADAM (CONT'D) Was that too subtle? JOSH No, I got it. From what I recall of D.I.D, there is a base personality and one or more alters. May I ask if you are-- ADAM I've always found that to be a very simplistic paradigm, Josh. What if one of the so-called "alters" is more balanced and socialized than the so-called "base personality"? JOSH Well, I suppose that it would still depend on who created whom. ADAM You mean like God? JOSH I beg your pardon? ADAM I remember this in your book also. "The only difference between us and God, ultimately, is that God created us and we didn't create Him." JOSH Well, I can't really take credit for that. It's a paraphrase from-- ADAM "A Course in Miracles," yes, I know. JOSH You seem extremely intelligent, Adam. ADAM My capacities are practically god-like...if only I'd created myself. JOSH Is...that your way of telling me that you're the alter? ADAM "The" alter...that's rather presumptuous, don't you think? Assuming that I'm the whole show? Sybil had eighteen. Am I not cuter than Sybil? JOSH Then I should assume there are-- ADAM Three. A total of three personalities. One god and two alters. And beware of which god you put on your altars, Rev. JOSH You have a way with words, Adam. ADAM Gosh. Like, thanks. JOSH Since I think I can assume you weren't named by parents, I wonder about the derivation of your name: Adam Brady. ADAM That's a pretty sharp line of questioning for someone who isn't a medical guy. You channeling some Higher Source for that? JOSH I've been working with people a long time...and with a Higher Source even longer. I think I can figure out the Adam part-- ADAM Foundational man, made from twigs and leaves...pretty basic theological reference. JOSH But I wonder about the Brady part... ADAM (singing a line from the "Brady Bunch" theme) "Till the one day when the lady met this fellow..." JOSH I don't get it. ADAM Well, you're not getting everything on the first date, Josh. Not even if you buy me dinner. JOSH Are you gay, Adam? ADAM No, but your boyfriend is. JOSH That's certainly true. ADAM (getting up) What do I owe you for this session? JOSH Are you done? It doesn't seem like we've addressed whatever it was that brought you to-- ADAM Perhaps not. JOSH Do you need specific help, Adam? Should I be concerned about your base personali--? ADAM Do I seem incapable, Josh? I realize I'm not the founding father in this little triad I call my mind, but I've been keeping things copacetic. JOSH Is there someone I should contact? The base personality's family? ADAM No, thanks. But you have met some of them... JOSH Really? ADAM And you're only one degree of separation from the other alter. JOSH That is a bit discomfiting, Adam. ADAM Discomfort would pertain to fear, Reverend. And wouldn't you suggest choosing love over fear? JOSH Who in my life are you saying that your alter is close to? Adam opens the door to leave. ADAM Thank you for seeing me, Josh. May I call you for another appointment when I'm in town? And then you could tell me how much I owe you for your services...I can embezzle it from one of the alter boys. Bye now. Adam exits, leaving Josh uncertain. [END OF EXCERPT]