The Major Players, and their attachments as the play begins:
ARMANDO —Handsome Latino would-be actor; engaged to Raquel
BEN—Construction worker and sexual piledriver; living with Jeremy
CHAD—Beautiful, blond 20-year-old wanna-be masseur
DARREN —Hapless bisexual; engaged to Melissa
JEREMY—Willowy, codependent writer; living with Ben
MELISSA—Fiancée of Darren; Armando’s sister (but passes for Anglo)
RANDY—Semi-celeb spiritual lecturer/counselor; living with Trevor
RAQUEL (aka ROCKY)—Vivacious fiancée of Armando, with a secret
TOM—Closeted, utterly handsome and famous actor
TREVOR—Very well-endowed lawyer; living with Randy

The Less-Major Players:
ABUELITA —Melissa and Armando’s grandmother
ANNIE—Randy’s assistant
CONWELL—The casting director
DARREN'S FATHER —A passive type
DARREN’S MOTHER —A drinker, among other things
JUDGE MITCHELL —Parental unit of Chad and Rob
MRS. WESTERMAN —Prim, elderly grade-school English teacher
ROB—Underage, adorable, and curious; Chad’s younger brother
STAN—A not-first-string producer, of the plaid-pants generation
Plus several other smaller roles, and a DANCING DONUT.